just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
