The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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