watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
