Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
