the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
