Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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