I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we're so committed to being not committed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
