you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
3pm strippers are depressing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
