Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
ok first of all what the fuck
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
