On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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