Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
