the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
