o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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