So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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