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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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