Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
