Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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