one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
