Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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