I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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