i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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