I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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