he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
