you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
