this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
