As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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