What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
