Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize