so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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