oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
