great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
