you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
