I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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