Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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