i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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