Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
