im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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