and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
