I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
