so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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