the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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