I met the friendliest cop last night
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
