piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
