shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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