You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
