Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
