At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
