too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
