Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
