my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
