I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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