The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
