I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
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IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
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I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize