I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
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and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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