omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
