Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
