So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I have post one night stand depression
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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