Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We talked him into tasing himself.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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