i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
