I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
