you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Found your dick twin last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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