Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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