how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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