Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
Randomize
