rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
