Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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