i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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