I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
