My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the raccoons are back...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
