I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
