i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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