You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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