what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My ass is underappreciated
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
