see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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