Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just gargled with NyQuil
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
