Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
