There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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